Note: In the Ask Patrenia articles, I answer questions from readers sent to me by Email, Twitter or Facebook.  Feel free to ask your money questions.  I look forward to it.

It hits everyone of us at some point and time in our life.  The four letter word…FEAR!

I received a question here on the site a while back from a reader that I have grown to respect and admire not only for her inspiration, but her courage to motivate others.  Here’s what she said…

I’d love to read more about getting over your fear of money… that’s a personal issue for me. Like I know that tools exist to help me get on track… but just admitting how bad things are in order to get on that track is scary! I know I have to “feel the fear and do it anyway”…. but I swear that financial stuff seems the hardest area to improve sometimes. – Anilia, MotivatedSista

Firstly, I want to thank Anilia for this question and her bravery for stating that fear of money is a personal issue.  It is an issue for most of us, but we don’t want anyone to know that we are a little afraid of facing the money issues.  Truth is, just about every day, we have to resist the fear of “something”.  It may not be money, but it’s all just the same.  So, if you’re wrestling with fear, try one or more of these ideas.

Take Small Steps. Whenever we attempt to learn a new process, we tend to suffer from fear of the unknown.  We’re excited about a new endeavor.  We find lots of information about the subject.  Our information is from different sources, different people with different views.  So not only do we have too much information, but the information suggests different ideas.  What are our next actions?  Nothing.  The stress level has risen, we’re confused and it’s just seems easier to do nothing.  So just take it slow, learn and start practicing the new process.

Don’t Be Afraid To Make Mistakes. Denis Waitley once said that failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker.   I wholeheartedly agree, making mistakes is part of the learning process.  When a baby learns to walk, how many times do they fall?  When you learned how to ride a bike, how many times did you fall?

See Every Day As A New Start. Use yesterday as a reference, but don’t let the actions linger.  If any unintentional events occurred, don’t dwell on them.  Figure out what went wrong and make corrections to avoid the same problem in the future.

Consider Your Prior Victories. Make a list of other goals you were able to achieve.  Not necessarily financial goals, just life goals in general.  When doubt or fear enter into you mind, pull out your victory list and gain strength.

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Taking control of your money is not as intimidating as it seems.  It’s just a few daily disciplines practiced everyday.  We all know what they say about practice – practice makes perfect.  Ok, I’m not so sure about the “perfect” part, but it will be at least better.

So, stop thinking or be held back by fear and take some action!

Feel free to add your own tips.  How do you overcome fear?

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Freedom Not Fear Image by James Cronin

Today, I want to discuss a question that was sent to me a couple of weeks ago by a reader.  Shortly after the launch of this site, she read all of the information and seemed excited about the possibility of being able to take control of her financial situation, but couldn’t see how it could be done at this point in her life.

From a windfall of circumstances which included marriage, a child, lifestyle choices and poor career decisions, she and her husband have found themselves in a place where they pay more in bills than they make on a monthly basis.  Her email to me ended with the following statement:

“I think the envelope method is great, in theory, but what if there is nothing but air to put in it.”

This readers concerns are not unique.  Her concerns are more common than we realize.  It’s very easy to manage money when you are single, but when mixing marriage and children, the whole equation shifts and changes.  You are now responsible and accountable to and for other people.

The answer to her question is not an easy one.  Firstly, I don’t know all the details of her financial situation.  Secondly, it’s going to take the efforts of both she and her husband to work EXTREMELY hard to get through this.

I’m embarrassed to say that after a few emails back and forth, I gave her quick advice.  The advice was to create a second source of income and/or sell some things.  I thought that our emails would continue and I would offer additional advice once I got into more of the particulars, but she didn’t respond to that final e-mail.  This has left me concerned and wondering if she has been able to find clarity and hope in her financial matters.

So, this is my second attempt to connect with her and offer a light at the end of the tunnel.  My desire is that she and her husband start working now to achieve financial peace.  The initial advice I gave really does not change,  but I’ll be more detailed and offer other suggestions as well.  They are listed below…

1. Create a budget.  I feel like a broken record with this point, but a budget is the cornerstone of creating financial peace.  You have to be able to see where your money is going and eliminate wasteful areas.  Once the budget is created, stick to it.
2. Stop using all forms of credit and create an envelope system using cash.  This will be for incidentals such as gas, eating out (if at all), grocery shopping, etc.
3. Be creative with finding a 2nd source of income.  I do understand that we lead very busy lives, but in order to create this freedom it’s going to take some sacrifice for a short period of time.  I repeat, not forever, just a short period of time.  Look online and find legitimate and realistic suggestions for creating additional income.  From her e-mail, I can assume that she and her husband are well educated.  Some possibilities to consider would be tutoring, teaching online courses, etc. It may not be possible for both of  them to work extra hours because of their child, but the extra hours/income of one can help to start the process. 
4. Consider selling some things through EBay or local consignment shops.  Both of these types of stores exist all over the country now.  Call around locally to see how the process works and if this can be a match for your needs.
5. Make some lifestyle adjustments.  Are there any extras that you all can do without at this time to minimize costs? No amount is too small.
6. Take the deer by the horns.  What does this mean?  I’m not sure if your husband is willing to become financially stable.  Take the lead, create a plan and suggest using the plan (with excitement).  Let him know that you are concerned as well as frustrated about the present financial state.  Then, show him your motivation to change it.  Believe it or not, excitement and motivation are contagious.  Showing him how one sample plan can work may be enough to get him inspired.  The two of you working together can accomplish all of your goals.  

I know that this information is not the microwave get out of debt quick solution, but it does offer a starting place.  If you can just get the process started, it’ll be a lot easier to continue. 

Just remember that life is a journey and we all have our lessons to learn.  I’m cheering for you and hope that you will find some conciliation in the recommendations I have made.  Have faith and refuse to believe that your situation is permanent, because it isn’t.  I’m reminded of a quote by Napoleon Hill, “Whatever the mind can believe and conceive, it can achieve.”  Once you both decide that becoming debt free is something you want to do, your minds will become clear and open to “how” you can achieve it.

I wish you guys the best!!!  If you are reading this, please feel free to contact me again.  I promise I will do everything I can to offer better solutions!

If you have a question you would like to ask, please feel free to do so by clicking on the “Ask A Question” link to the right.  Don’t forget to subscribe via RSS or E-mail to receive updates from this site!  If you have already subscribed, I want to say thank you.  This website is becoming a success because of you and your support.  I send you much love!